This past week has been one of the hardest in my life.
Early last week, I made a public note to friends and family over Facebook about my current plans, with regard to my living situation and assisting with some medical care for my father. I have also been very forthright about the roach infestation in my current apartment, the true level of which only became apparent as I prepared to move.
I will not be proceeding with those plans. I have had to make some rather intense adjustments to determine a path forward.
PART I - ROACHES (et al)
I moved to Reston in January, finally able to be approved for an apartment after clearing my bankruptcy, filed in late 2016. I chose a location that was convenient to my most urgent needs- a Metro station, a park to ride my bike in, and close access to free local amenities for my dog.
I carefully searched and read reviews and settled on Colvin Woods. It was cheap (comparatively- it's still Northern VA, after all), literally right next to Lake Fairfax Park, and is dog friendly. There were only a few other options nearby, and I set out on the day I applied for my current home with the intent of looking at my each of my preferences in turn. I was accepted at Colvin Woods that day and didn't bother visiting others.
I know now that I should have moved on immediately. However, I ignored the notes others left on Yelp about the conditions of the apartments. After all, I've lived in some fairly shitty places and I'm a clean person. I thought I would be able to avoid problems (or just deal with them).
Turns out I was dead wrong. Today, 6 days into heavy cleaning of my apartment, I literally had to disassemble my desk and clean each part. It's not a complicated desk, but it has just enough hollow parts with tiny cracks which roaches could invade... It was an upsetting process. It was not the first nest I had to destroy and clean.
At this time, I am no longer working on moving out immediately (see above, and also below). I will be working with the apartment complex to further decontaminate my home- but I have no hope that it will ever be truly clean. Nor that I will be able to retain most, if any of my belongings once I do eventually leave.
PART II - FAMILY
I have had a falling out with my father.
He is unwell and he is, as far as I am concerned, not taking his recovery seriously and not properly following the advice of his doctors. There are other reasons for our falling out, but I would say the main thrust is his behavior throughout the course of his illness, since April (and probably before that).
I firmly believe that you cannot help someone who will not help themselves. And I, myself, am nowhere near healthy or stable enough to be able to make sacrifices for another individual, let alone one whose behavior is constantly and consistently deleterious to their own well being. Even if that person is the closest and most important family member in my life.
I want to forgive him and move on. But that requires work on both of our parts. Unfortunately the lion's share is on him. I will not be a part of his life until he is deemed healthy by his doctors and he has a stable and healthy lifestyle.
So, where does that leave me?
A friend has graciously agreed to assist me with my rent for the month of September. I am in full job search mode, and may even hear back from a potential employer within the week.
Some art projects are on hold, because I had to discard important materials. Some will be finished as quickly as possible. Others might never happen now. We'll see, once I finish cleaning the apartment. It all depends on how much is left. Many of the materials that I have to discard are irreplaceable.
I want to also say thank you to all of the people who have supported me throughout this situation. I removed a lot of posts about all of this that I had been making last week and over the weekend. That was not to diminish the thoughts and actions of those who have been supportive, but more because I was no longer happy with the way I had presented the situation.
Thanks again, and thank you especially for reading.
More soon.
