In a few days, I will have news that will allow me to fully plan out my cross-country move.
In the last week, like many others have done recently, I tried writing up something to describe my experiences during the past decade. An interesting segment of time, no doubt. Ten years is a long time, and I did many, many, many things in 2010-2019. Some interesting. Some boring. Some mild, some spicy. Some informed, some ignorant. Some broken bones. Some nerve damage.
I didn’t manage to write it all out. It went from an idea to be 10 short paragraphs and ballooned out of hand, and I stopped. I have some memory issues stemming from my nerve damage, and 2008-2012 aren’t super clear. And frankly, there are some things I’d rather just not relive or wallow in.
Mostly, what happened is I got older. Mostly, I made mistakes. And, mostly, I tried to accept those two things as the real experience of being a human from Earth.
Now, knowing that there is a path for me has been an important part of turning things around for myself in the last four months. December felt like a cliff- and like I fell straight off of it. I had no leads for jobs, I had almost no money, I felt unwelcome in my own father’s house, and I was terrified that things could break bad (read: worse) at any moment.
But despite that cliff… and the fall… I feel like I’ve landed safely.
Another part of that has been the encouragement and support that has come from places I didn’t expect. From people who were not required to lend a hand at all, but did anyway. From individuals who went from strangers to friends faster than I could have anticipated. And from a community that I have grown happier and happier to be a part of (warts and all).
A friend recently said to me “you don’t get to pick your catalyst” and he was (and is) right. As much as you plan or prepare, the world is there to put you in your place, and it is under no obligation to be gentle with you. 2019, for better or worse, has proven to be my catalyst.
The things that happened to me in this past decade, and 2019 especially, have turned me inward, to face things that only I can conquer. I know things will work out in the coming weeks. Plans will turn into action very soon. One path could certainly prove to be faster than the other, but I’m making forward progress now and building momentum. And I will reach someplace new no matter what.
One day, still…